


don't be a butthead!

by PumpkinSoldier



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gift Fic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Young Ignis Scientia, Young Noctis Lucis Caelum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:55:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25119499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinSoldier/pseuds/PumpkinSoldier
Summary: "Iggy." Cor said, trying his best not to let his facade slip. "Who taught you that word?""What word?" Ignis blinked up at him innocently, but Cor knew full well by the mischievous glint in his eye he knew exactly what Cor was talking about."Butthead." Cor said, gently kicking Regis's leg as the king let out another round of choked laughter. "It's a bad word. Who taught you it?"
Relationships: Cor Leonis & Ignis Scientia, Gladiolus Amicitia & Ignis Scientia, Lunafreya Nox Fleuret & Ignis Scientia
Comments: 10
Kudos: 63





	don't be a butthead!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shepherd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shepherd/gifts).



> Hey! 
> 
> This fic should not be taken seriously AT ALL 😂 
> 
> This is a gift fic for the lovely Shep💛💛 its her birthday today!! This is pretty much a tiny inside joke but had me absolutely wheezing the entire time. I hope you have a great birthday°° 🎉🎉🎉
> 
> (I'll add more tags later im on my phone rn rip)

They were set in the centre of the Citadel gardens, the sun shining brightly down. 

Ignis, Noctis, Prompto and Gladio were sitting on a picnic blanket, painting some of the rocks they had collected earlier. 

Cor watched from a newly implemented picnic table, along with Regis, Clarus, Weskham and Cid, or as Clarus dubbed them,  _ The Accordo Squad™.  _

Not that Cor agreed to that name,  _ he  _ thought it was the dumbest thing ever, yet, here he was, several birthday's and Shiva's Days later with custom made Accordo Squad _ ™  _ gear. 

Cor had tuned out what they were arguing about, it was either which of them had crashed the regalia the most, or which of them had almost been eaten the most. 

Instead, his attention was directed at the boys, all in deep concentration painting their rocks. Gladio had taken to painting wobbly looking bugs and animals on his, while Prompto was determined to make a chocobo. Noctis had been painting smiley faces last time he saw, and Ignis had his back to him. 

" _ Dad _ ! Look what I did!" Noctis said rushing over. He scrambled onto Regis's lap to show off the rock he had. "It's Luna look!" 

"It's very lovely Noctis." Regis said admiring the rock. "Lunafreya will love it." 

The rock itself had a blue smiley face painted on it, with a pale yellow for Lunafreya's hair. 

Ignis suddenly appeared by Cor's side, he held our a rock to him, his other hand hidden behind his back. 

"What did you paint Iggy?" Cor asked, gently taking the rock from him. 

"Mr Melon!" Ignis said brightly. 

The face of Mr Melon the Tonberry had been carefully and painstakingly painted on top of it. 

"It's for you, Papa." 

"Thank you Iggy." Cor said, ruffling his hair. "Do you have another one behind your back for someone?" 

"Umm…" Ignis shyly smiled. "Its a surprise!" 

"A surprise!" Weskham gasped. "Is it for me?" 

Ignis shook his head. "No." 

"Is it for Uncle Reggie? Uncle Clarus?" Cor tried. "Uncle Cid? Auntie Monica?" 

Ignis shook his head again. "Nuh-uh. It's for Mr Theodore." 

"Mr Theodore-" Cor repeated. "Councilman Theodore?" 

"Oh?" Regis turned to them, seemingly interested. "May we see Ignis?" 

Ignis thought about it for a moment, before nodding and bringing out the other rock from behind his back. He placed it down on the picnic table for all the grown ups to see. 

There on the rock, in slightly wobbly writing were the words : 

U R A BUTTHEAD :) 

Regis let out a choked noise, but his face turned red. 

Weskham turned away, but his shoulders shook up and down in silent laughter. 

Cor bit down on his tongue, resisting the urge to laugh and give Ignis that power. 

"Iggy." Cor said, trying his best not to let his facade slip. "Who taught you that word?" 

"What word?" Ignis blinked up at him innocently, but Cor knew full well by the mischievous glint in his eye he knew exactly what Cor was talking about. 

"Butthead." Cor said, gently kicking Regis's leg as the king let out another round of choked laughter. "It's a bad word. Who taught you it?" 

Ignis pursed his lips, and tilted his head to the side. "Umm… I don't remember." 

"You don't remember?" 

Ignis shook his head. "Can I have cake now?" 

"After. If you remember who taught you that word." 

Ignis squints at him. "I'm not supposed to say." 

"If you don't say, Mr Melon won't be able to come to tea with Uncle Reggie." 

Ignis's mouth fell open in a gasp. His nose scrunched up in determination, he raised his arm and pointed. "Uncle Clarus said it!" 

Clarus spluttered in surprise. "Iggy!" 

"Papa said that Mr Melon wouldn't get to come to tea with Uncle Reggie!" Ignis frowned. "He's been planning this for forever!" 

Cor let out a small sigh, plucking Ignis up to set him down on his lap. "It's okay Iggy we're still going for tea. Uncle Clarus might not be invited though." Cor said with a glare. 

"All because I taught him to say butthead?" Clarus laughed. "Gladio says butthead. Why can't Ignis say it?" 

" _ Butthead _ !" Prompto echoed. " _ Butthead! Butthead!"  _

"That's why." Cor sighed again. "Iggy, you shouldn't call people buttheads its not nice." 

Ignis frowned. "You called Uncle Clarus a butthead.  _ And  _ you said that Mr Theodore is a butthead too!" 

Regis laughed, cutting it short as Cor glared at him. "He isn't wrong. Theodore is a butthead." 

Weskham laughed. "Agreed. A complete butthead." 

Cid nodded. "He's a fucking asshole." 

" _ Cid! Language!"  _ Regis gasped, covering Noctis's ears. 

Cid shrugged. "They'll learn bad words sooner or later." 

\--- 

It's sooner. Much sooner than Cor realised. 

Ignis was being fitted for a set of robes, why an eight-year old needed council robes was beyond him, but alas, Lord Butthead himself, Councilman Theodore was present. 

Not only that, but himself, Regis and Noctis were present too. Noctis had quickly lost interest, and had taken to attempting to wrap himself up into Regis's cloak like a burrito. 

He said it was to prepare for the formal event that allowed Ignis to be recognised as Noctis's official advisor, but that wouldn't happen for a few more years or so. 

He'd been nagging at Ignis all day, and even though Ignis had tried to hide it, Cor saw his patience run thin. 

Ignis stumbled over the hem of the robes, before quickly composing himself and walked forward. 

"Walk straight boy!" Theodore snapped. "You're too old to be stumbling!" 

Ignis stopped in his tracks, he turned to Councilman Theodore, scowled, and with all the spite an eight year old could muster grumbled. " _ Fucking butthead."  _

Councilman Theodore gasped. "What did you just say?" 

"I don't think you should-" Cor began, before Ignis cut him off. 

"You're a fucking butthead." Ignis said again, his eyes immediately drawn to Regis, who was bright red in the face, wheezing with laughter. 

"Ig-Ignis-" Regis wheezed. "You mustn't say that word. It's a bad word." 

Noctis looked up at him. "What's a fucking butthead?" 

"Oh dear." Cor sighed, watching Regis completely lose it as he laughed, while Councilman Thedore seemed to grow more and more angry. "I'll call Monica." 

Cor however, is the next one to lose his cool as Councilman Theodore raged on. 

"How dare he?!" He seethed. "That- _ boy  _ with no family name! The sheer lack of disrespect, using such vulgar language in front of the King, and to address me in such a manner is utterly unacceptable." 

Regis said nothing, his gaze trained purely on Cor. 

Cor uncrossed his arms, and reached into his jacket, placing the copy of Ignis's adoption papers down on the desk. "A Leonis can call you a fucking butthead whenever he wants to." 

**\---**

Ignis doesn't even know why he's letting himself get so worked up. 

It's not like it was a life or death situation. 

Right? 

_ Right?  _

"What do you  _ mean  _ you let Noctis go home early?" 

"I mean exactly that." Gladio said. "Training finished up, so he and Prompto went back to the apartment." 

"He was supposed to be here Gladio!" Ignis hissed. "He had duties within the Citadel!" 

"For the party? Aren't the Council overriding your decisions anyway?" 

"That's beside the point!" Ignis nearly yelled. "Noct was supposed to be here! I asked you to make sure he was, and you let him go-" 

Gladio frowned. "Hang on Igs, let me explain-" 

"I have far too much work to do." Ignis said. "I can't be rescheduling things at the last minute." 

"Iggy, I really think you should calm down for a second-" 

"Don't tell me to calm down-" 

"Come on Iggy. Seriously." Gladio levelled Ignis with a glare. "Don't be such a-" 

"Don't be such a  _ what?"  _ Ignis hissed. "Go on. Say it Gladiolus. I  _ dare  _ you." 

Gladio furrowed his brow, turning his frown into something deeper. "Don't be such a fucking butthead." 

Ignis stated for a moment, letting out a tiny snort as he struggled to contain his laughter. 

He eventually burst out into laughter at Gladio's complete deadpan expression. 

"Got ya." Gladio said with a wide grin. "So, you good now? Or you still being a fucking butthead?" 

Ignis spluttered, near close to wheezing laughter. He covered his mouth with a hand, quietly giggling into it. "That-" he managed say once he'd composed himself. "Was not fair." 

"Seemed pretty fair to me." Gladio said with a shrug. "You're not mad anymore."

Ignis sighed. "I'm sorry Gladio, I didn't mean to pick a fight with you-" 

"Nah it's my bad too. Shouldn't have egged you on. I know you're stressed enough as it with all the party planning. Besides, the reason I sent Noct away is so he could help you." Gladio slung his arm around Ignis's shoulder, slapping him on the back with a  _ thwap!  _ that almost sent Ignis flying. "Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dumb are taking over party plannkmg duties, and you're taking the night off." 

"Gladio really I can't-" 

"Come on, 'course you can. Already cleared it with Cor and his Majesty too. So no getting outta it!" Gladio said, practically pulling Ignis along as they walked. "I'll order pizza,  _ and  _ we can watch the finale of  _ Tenebrae Wolf."  _

Ignis was silent for a moment. "Fine. As you wi-" he paused. "What do you mean the finale of  _ Tenebrae Wolf?  _ There's still three episodes we haven't watched." 

"Uhh-" 

"Gladiolus Amiticia do you mean to tell me you've been watching  _ Tenebrae Wolf  _ without me?" 

"No?" Gladio said with a sheepish grin. 

" _ Fucking butthead."  _ Ignis grumbled. 

\--- 

Ignis spots her drifting from guest to guest, while Lunafreya still holds her usual poise and grace, there's a slight sluggish move to it. 

Ignis plucked two wine glasses from the tray beside him, and wove his way through the crowd toward her. 

"Ignis." She said in greeting, before leaning in to kiss either side of his face. "You look as handsome as ever." 

"Thank you Lady Lunafreya-" 

"Luna, Ignis please." 

"Luna." Ignis corrected, and held out the wine glass to her. "Forgive my saying so, but you look a little-" 

"Tired? Ignis dear I'm absolutely shattered." Lunafreya sighed. "The journey here was dreadful. I couldn't get to sleep at all, and Ravus was in the most foul of moods. Speaking of, where is my brother?" 

Ignis pointed to the far corner of the room. "Getting drunk with Prompto." 

"At least he's safe." Lunafreya raised the glass to her lips, pausing as she saw a tall man decked in Lucian Council robes practically speeding toward them. "Ignis!" She hissed. "Who's that?" 

"Hm? Oh, Councilman Theodore." Ignis answered. "He's been trying to meet with you for a while now. He says he has ideas on how to help Tenebrae run more smoothly." 

" _ Joy _ ." Lunafreya sighed, but she plastered on a smile as Councilman Theodore approached. "What an honour it is to meet you, Councilman Theodore." 

"The pleasure is all mine, Lady Oracle." He said with an over exaggerated bow. " _ Scientia _ ." 

"Count Scientia." Lunafreya corrected. "If you are to use titles, use them correctly." 

_ Astrals above,  _ Ignis felt his face flush ever do slightly. "Lady Lunafreya, really now there's no need-" 

Lunafreya waved him off. "I believe Councilman Theodore has something to say to you Ignis." 

The corner of Councilman Theodore's lip curled into the beginning of a sneer. "Of course. Forgive me…  _ Count Scientia."  _

Ignis could only give a short nod as he felt Lunafreya's steely gaze on him. 

"As I was saying Lady Oracle." Councilman Theodore turned away from Ignis, blocking him from the conversation. "There were several things I wished to discuss with you. But first, will you do me the honour of sharing a dance with you?" 

Lunafreya was silent for a moment, before gracefully nodding. "Of course. Ignis, be a dear and hold this for me while would you?" 

Ignis nodded, reaching out for Lunafreya's wine glass, when it slipped from her fingers, smashing onto the floor. The wine immediately staining the fabric of her dress and all up Ignis's trouser leg. 

Lunafreya let out another sigh. " _ Fucking butthead."  _

Councilman Theodore looked scandalised. "Lady Oracle!" 

Ignis could only watch stunned as Lunafreya raised a hand to her mouth. "Oh my, do forgive me. I'm not sure what came over me." She sighed again. "Forgive me but I am afraid the dance will have to wait, it seems that Ignis and I are in need of a wardrobe change." 

With that, she slipped her arm through Ignis's, hurriedly leading him away. 

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Ignis asked once they were free of the party hall. 

"Of course." Lunafreya answered. "Noctis and Gladiolus already left, Ravus and Prompto are drunk, and  _ I  _ most definitely did not wish to dance." 

"Honestly you're just as bad as Noct." Ignis teased. "If you wanted to leave, you could have told me. I would have come up with an excuse rather than you spilling wine everywhere." 

Lunafreya smiled. "At least this way, we do not have to return to the party. Now, let us hurry along. Noctis tells me you have the entirety of  _ Pretty Lucian Liars _ taped." 

  
  



End file.
